The Break Up...(not the movie hehe)

So, did you ever date someone and break up and then start dating again?  And then breakup again?!  

I know you are probably wondering what the heck I am doing talking about dating when I am so happily married to this guy….

But recently I’ve been having a slight love affair…with this…..

So I posted last night that I was breaking up with diet pepsi…would you know that I was at BJs with Grace and Bella, we had a quick lunch in the café there, and I got a diet soda….I sat with the girls we were eating and then I looked at what I was drinking and was like, HOLY COW, I totally just started drinking that without thinking!  

A friend walked up with her cart full of groceries and kids and she is on the same journey with me, we are doing WW again and we are in the same Bible Study…BUSTED!

Okay for real…I’M DONE WITH YOU, YOU STUPID DIET PEPSI, You make me feel bad about myself, you do bad things to me and other people, You’re full of junk!  GOOD BYE!

My Addiction

This is a hard battle.  To change years and years of “normal” in a day, two days or a week or two is so mind boggling!  Last week I didn’t post and to be honest it was because I didn’t want to share how I was doing.

I started drinking soda again.  I have this strange addiction to diet pepsi.  I crave it.  I desire it.  The feeling of the bubbles, the taste, the can…everything!  I can’t explain it.  An alcoholic may grab a beer or a hard drink when feeling stressed, I want a diet pepsi..  ?!?!?!?!?  I don’t get it.  I don’t! 

Jillian Michaels has an article out, I guess she was like me at one point…

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http://www.everydayhealth.com/diet-nutrition/ask-jillian-how-can-i-kick-my-diet-soda-habit-for-good.aspx

http://youtu.be/K2wTHjhh0CI  This is the youtube link where you can hear her advice to kick the bad habit of soda.

I know this is crazy, I hear everyone loud and clear, soda is bad for me…I don’t care!  Does that make sense?  I think at this point the thing that is stopping me, is that I bloat up like a balloon, no exaggeration, when I drink the stuff.  And when I drink a diet pepsi, I find my whole body hurts like I have the flu.  Aches and pains in all my joints! 

So let’s see…today I did NOT have any diet soda….from here on out, we are through!  

I have broken up with diet soda and soda all together!

So, the weigh-in for last week.  I gained .8 ounces.  Not happy, but I also wore more clothes to my weigh-in so that could have effected my number!  I also know I didn’t get enough sleep during the nights so I wasn’t prepared to make smarter decisions.  I wanted sugary foods, because I was exhausted and wanted a boost and the only thing I got that from was junk.  

I had a bad week, I still went to the weigh-in and didn’t hide.  I knew I had to hold myself accountable to that scale.  So a gain of .8.  Sorry folks.

Bad Day!!

 

So I didn’t sleep much the other night (Thursday into Friday).  Probably not much at all.  Just in that one night of no sleep, I felt horrible on Friday.

When a person lacks sleep, he or she will crave sugary foods, searching for a way to get “high” to have stamina for the day.  So, I had a good breakfast, but from then on, I was grasping at straws for energy.  And we had a busy day. 

Isabella and Grace both had gymnastics in the morning.  Grace my little spitfire, she was all over the place and I worked up a sweat.  Right after gymnastics I had to run Bella to school, thankfully I picked up Rudy in the process and he drove and I got to nap a little.  Naps don’t help much unless I wear my CPAP machine, but then I take MONDO naps…way too long and I’m dead to the world.  (maybe bad choice of words…haha)

Rudy and I went out to lunch with Gracie and I picked salad bar and two mini burgers.  The burgers size was like a quarter of a real burger.  But I was satisfied.  After lunch we picked up a new movie for our kiddos and popcorn to have a movie night.  I allowed Rudy to pick the worst popcorn in the world to have, movie theater popcorn and I grabbed some kind of chocolatey cookie.  UGH Bad choices!  It’s hard to be strong when you don’t feel strong. 

The tiredness set in even more that afternoon.  I was cranky and irritable.  I cried to Rudy because I just can’t think straight without sleep, I just want to sit in the dark and not make any decisions.  I feel helpless.  It’s times like these my psychiatrist would want me on medication!  NOPE Dr. Lady, not this time.  I worked through it, I tried to catch another cat nap and on we went with the day.  

One bad day, does not mean I should throw away the week before and the rest of this week.  From here on out, I make better decisions.  Like the one I made last night to go to bed, put on my mask and sleep. 

 I got 6 hours…so here’s to today!  

Love Yous!

Hello God I hear you!!!!

SO!!!!!!!!  I believe in a God that is just slap you in the face with the truth when you need it!  And sure sometimes He allows us to deal with what we are in, so that we find Him waiting for guide us!  TRUST!  I think I have always been afraid of giving God my all in weight-loss because I have been afraid of what He would have me do, and how much He will make me sweat. 

So that Wednesday Morning Bible study brunch that conquered...we also get to pick the study we will do for the Fall.  God brought me to this journey, placed it on my heart to blog about it and share it with you and now, He brought me to Bible Study.  AND He brought me the perfect study.  

One of the woman at church lost over 106lbs and now is leading a study through the book, "Made to Crave", by Lisa TerKeurst.  

It's basically about satisfying your deepest desires with God and not food.  It helps you realize why you are eating what you are eating, and to modify that behavior by finding strength in the Almighty!  

Thank You GOD!!!  Seriously He could NOT have been anymore clear.  I started reading it and I'm amazed that she read my mind and I'll share more after next Wednesday when we discuss the chapters!  

So excited!

Love Yous!

Small Victories!!!!

Small Victories...Or so I am learning anyway....

When I look at the whole picture or look at the whole day ahead of me, I get overwhelmed and I am unsuccessful.  I must admit my first evening, the night I went to weight watchers, I bought a box of weight watchers 2pt lemony bar snacks…Oh goodness!  I ate like 6 on my way home because I was starving.  YIKES ALISSA!

So I knew the next morning I would wake up and it would be ON!  I had slept another six hours, so I was feeling refreshed.  I drank a ton of water and no soda or coffee those first few days.  Then it came to a day I was running errands and Bella needed to get to school, she was hungry, Grace was hungry and so was I.  This was Monday, now that I think about it, because it was Bella’s first day of school and I thought that it would be a special treat for her to have lunch out.  We were up at ITC, and so I took her and Grace to McDonalds.  I decided before I even went in, I was here for the Southwest Chicken Salad.  According to the tracker on my phone, that salad is only 8points.  Which is very reasonable for myself and what I need to eat in that day.  I got to the counter and the guy asked me, “Crispy or Grilled?”

I answered quick, it was like the skinny me jumped out of my mouth and said, “Grilled!”  so that the FULL Alissa couldn’t say, “Um I’ll take crispy!”  I felt proud!

Then it came to my drink, I could have water, but I could also have a zero point diet coke.  So I went for the zero point diet coke.  The OLD Alissa would have no problem picking diet coke, putting no ice in it because I didn’t want to waste space or water it down and I would have picked two McDoubles or a full meal.  So there I went to the table with my Southwestern Grilled Chicken Salad, my diet coke and my two little love buggies!  Bless their hearts!  Nobody had fries that day…I threw them out!  

I felt psychotic as I was talking with myself in my head, and cheering myself on at the same time.

So after we ate, I finished most of my diet coke but I stopped and listened to my tummy, who was beginning to get loud with me saying, “I’m starting to fill up down here…please stop!”  So I looked at the beverage station and I thought, okay I could go and fill this so I have ANOTHER diet coke for on the road.  BUT Skinny Alissa won over and I threw away my soda cup.  

I got in the car after that lunch and I thought SCORE, I was able to take my kids for a quick lunch, and maintain my weight-loss plan! 

Giving my kids McDonalds is a whole other topic/discussion, so however you feel about the Golden arches, you can keep to yourself.  I already know.  There was a time in my life where I went one whole year without the junk! 

We’ll get there again.  

One step at a time!

 

Other Small Choices

I walked to pick up Kaylee from school a couple days instead of driving, even though I was tired and didn’t want to lug two toddlers to wait outside for older sis.  

I wanted to pick(eat carelessly) one day, and I put a piece of gum in my mouth so I didn’t grab anything.  

I went to the Women’s Bible Study brunch at church, I had an omelet, but it was eggs with all the veggies available, and a little bit of mozzarella cheese.  I took a piece of the French toast, I tried to grab a small piece and I fought myself the whole time.  BUT THEN….I filled my plate with fruit…oops no room for all the pastries.  I must say I did GREAT that morning, I did eventually eat the French toast slice, but I did not eat any pastries which is the Alissa Fail normally.  It’s in the SMALL things.  

That afternoon we met to have lunch and play at the playground with our friends.  My tummy was not so happy and so I wasn’t in the mood to eat.  I’m sure people might be able to relate, and in the past I would eat anyway, regardless of how I felt or if I wasn’t hungry.  Instead on this day, I sipped on water. 

Seriously, this might not seem like much but this is HUGE! 

Okay so the weigh-in…

I got to weight watchers and the room was excited to see me, as I was excited to see them.  The lady at the counter weighed me in and I lost!  WOooHoo…Now before I give you the number, you need to understand something, all the times I’ve done WW I’ve lost 5 or more pounds the first week but I’ve always broken up with WW….so this time it was not a huge loss…but that’s where I am learning IT’S ALL IN THE SMALL VICTORIES….

I lost…

Love Yous!  
Still the FULLER me...Minus 2

Weight Watchers!

Weight Watchers!  

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!  So many choices!  You watch tv and you're like, okay so Valerie Bertenelli can do it and wear a bikini, maybe I should do that one, oh wait Marie Osmond looks great, I should do that one....OH WAIT...Jennifer Hudson! 

 I've always loved doing weight watchers...hahah who says that?  I've loved doing this weight loss plan that I've done so many times and haven't been 100% successful at!   

I do that I think WW works wonders and helps people live "normal" lives, and I can say that I have never committed myself 100% to that plan and allowed myself to be successful.  This time is different.  I've been paying for a monthly membership for a long time, now I am going to use it.

Wednesday!

I weighed in on Wednesday even though I was already 15 minutes late to the meeting.  My weigh-in was discouraging and disgusting.  I walked away from the counter and sat in the back row in the lime green chair and felt like I should have been sitting in three chairs!  UGH!  I just felt disgusting.  So the meeting leader (someone who has lost an amount of weight to make them healthy and kept it off) asks the room, "who believes they can do this?" 

Are you freaking kidding me?  IS THIS REALLY what we are talking about today.  Put a knife in me now, I don't believe I can do this!  I'm just trying to convince myself!  

Would you believe that NOBODY raised their hand that they were having a hard time believing in themselves...oh so you guys are perfect and doing perfectly fine!  
SO I raised my hand!  I have no problem being honest...obviously from my blog.  

The WW lady called me out, "you aren't wearing your name tag...but you are having a hard time believing in yourself?"  she says to me.  
I said, "Yea this is (insert tears and choking) haaaaarrrrrrddddd"  

Then she turns to the group and asks if anyone can relate...sure enough every hand goes up- one in the air to agree and another to wipe a tear!  

DUDE people we gotta stick together and be real together...being heavy sucks and hurts and is hard!  

So some how the meeting turned into ways to encourage Alissa, and everyone else!  It was so relieving to be REAL! Imagine that!

So I weighed-in...remember not sharing that information quite yet!  But this Wednesday I will go back to WW and to my meeting, I will weigh-in and I WILL be happy!

And then I will blog about it.....................................

Adjustments and Medications

With any new weight-loss plan, a person would just start eating right and work out.  Not going to cut it in my book!  For years I've had back pain...oh the pains of labor that stay with you forever, that and having to pee all the time.  Not that I struggle with that one, but some women do.  

Rudy, my loving hubby, found us a Chiropractor to see as a family.  I must admit, going faithfully our family was the healthiest we had ever been.  

Of course, our Chiropractor told me that getting adjusted should help me lose weight.  I would eat better, and work out for a stretch of time and nothing!  
It can be really discouraging. 

On top of all that yummy goodness...After I had Grace, I had a lot of anxiety, and as that probably was baby blues and a little bit of post-partum, I was put on zoloft, just a low dose, a small little bit of candy.  As Grace got older my anxiousness grew, there were no words to describe how I felt to my psychiatrist but other than I was tired and emotionally drained.  Her response was to "up" my dose of the "happy pill" and send me on my way.  
In November of last year I was stopped at red light and fell asleep at the wheel, my foot came off the brake and I woke up as I rear-ended the car in front of me.  I would constantly nap and was just drained even on my "happy pill".  I finally went to my primary doctor...she said I think you aren't sleeping.  
Sure enough I had a sleep study done, and it showed I stop breathing hundreds of times a night and never actually sleep!  YAY!  What does a mom of three young kids need more than anything...even wine?!  S-L-E-E-P!!!!

ANSWERS!!!  

 My sleep doctor enlightened me more than anyone or any pill ever could!  Without sleep, your metabolism shuts down, the nerves from your brain to your stomach don't work...that's why I never feel full!!!

He has promised me, sleeping will help me lose weight...oh and guess what?!  I probably don't have post-partum and just need to sleep!

HALLELUJAH!   

I'm on a CPAP machine, pressured air, I'm in my third week of using it and I'm getting some sleep, some nights I get two to three hours of sound sleep and others like last night I get six hours!  
I cry and have cried sharing this with people because I finally feel like we are at the root to some of these problems.  When a person builds a house, you start with the foundation!  Thank You God for these answers!  

Pills be Gone!

I've taken myself off of my little happy pill...hopefully the weight can come off just as easy. hahaha.  It will eventually.